Can you believe it’s already 2024?
I know time flies, but damn; I think it broke the sound barrier this year!
Brace yourself because I’m about to unveil some, let’s say, ‘unique’ tips that will revolutionize your approach to 2024.
Grab a cup of coffee – or maybe something stronger, you might need it – and let’s dive into a whimsical chat about how to spectacularly derail this year into an unforgettable adventure!
Instead of advising you on how to make 2024 your best year yet – I thought I’d take a more satirical approach and offer an odd mix of setting wildly unrealistic goals, embracing a series of self-sabotaging habits, and adopting a wonderfully misguided outlook on life.
Here are a few steps to ensure you make the absolute, uh, ‘most’ out of what would almost certainly shape up to be a terrible year:
Step 1. Don't Reflect on The Past Year
Pro tip: Don’t bother reflecting on the past year. After all, who needs growth and learning when you can blissfully ignore the rearview mirror of life? Let’s charge into 2024 with the unburdened glee of someone who’s forgotten where they’ve been – it’s not like history ever repeats itself, right?
Step 2. Set Unrealistic and Vague Goals
Set goals as vague and unreachable as a cloud in a thunderstorm. Why aim for something achievable when you can perpetually chase the horizon? Remember, the more unrealistic your goals, the less accountable you’ll feel – it’s like planning to catch a unicorn, but with less glitter.
Step 3. Don't Focus on Person Growth
Personal growth is overrated. Let’s just skip that tedious self-improvement stuff. Why evolve when you can comfortably stagnate like a majestic pond, complete with your very own ecosystem of unchecked habits and traits? This year, embrace the comfort of being your unpolished, static self!
Step 4. Don't Cultivate a Growth Mindset
Cultivating a growth mindset? How passé! This year, let’s embrace the inflexibility of a concrete mindset. Stick to what you know and never, ever change your opinion – after all, stubbornness is a virtue, and adapting to new situations is just a fad that’ll surely pass.
Step 5. Neglect Important Relationships and Isolate
In 2024, let’s boldly neglect our important relationships and embrace splendid isolation. Why invest in meaningful connections when you can bask in the glow of your own company, surrounded by an impenetrable fortress of solitude? Remember, bridges are overrated – it’s so much more fun to burn them!"
Step 6. Don't Bother Getting Organized
Organization? Pfft, let’s not bother with that in 2024. Embrace the chaos of a cluttered life and desk – after all, a messy environment is the sign of a… creative mind, right? Let your important documents mingle freely with yesterday’s coffee cups; who knows what innovative ideas might spill out from under that pile of unsorted mail!
Step 7. Continue Neglecting Your Health
Continue to neglect your health with the dedication of a true connoisseur of lethargy. Why disrupt a perfectly good routine of junk food and no exercise with bothersome healthy habits? Remember, your body is not a temple; it’s more like a rundown amusement park where the rollercoaster of poor choices is the main attraction!
Step 8. Don't Trying New Things
In 2024, let’s firmly resolve not to try new things. After all, sticking to the familiar is like wearing an old, comfortable pair of shoes – sure, they might be falling apart, but at least there are no surprises. Why risk discomfort when you can bask in the warm, stagnant waters of the same old routine?
Step 9. Don't Give Back and Hoard Your Resources
Don’t give back, just hoard your resources like a dragon atop its gold. Sharing is so last century! Why spread kindness and resources when you can build your own fortress of solitude, complete with all the treasures you’ll never use? Remember, generosity is for those who haven’t discovered the joys of endless accumulation!
Step 10. Neglect Reflecting and Adjusting Regularly
Reflect and adjust regularly? How dreadfully boring! Instead, let’s sail through the year with the steadfast determination of a runaway train. Why pause for self-reflection or adjustment when you can plow ahead with the blissful ignorance of a leaf in a whirlwind? Remember, introspection is for philosophers and we’re too busy ignoring steps 1 through 9!
Conclusion
As you boldly leap into 2024, remember: don’t bother with pesky reflection, set unreachable goals, embrace delightful stagnation, and build your solitary empire. Neglect those bothersome health routines, stay cozily in your comfort zone, and hoard every resource like it’s going out of style. Why bother adjusting when you can float through the year like a blissfully lost balloon? If you found these tips helpful, or at least chuckled at their absurdity, then you’re just the kind of adventurer who would love my newsletter, ‘Paper Airplanes’. On a more serious note, it’s packed with a ton of actionable tips, tricks, and strategies to help you take your side hustle and/or business to the next level.